I don't know why, but i was crying really badly last night. I went to bed at 1am, and I cried till 3am, I think, before sleeping. I don't really know why, there were just too many things in my mind. I tried staring outside, taking deep breaths and praying, but it didn't seem to work. I was reminiscing the good times, and really sad that it would NEVER happen again. My pillow's all wet now and I hope it has dried..
I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP!! :( I didn't know that growing up would be sooo painful..
And my privacy was invaded. I feel so restricted now.. I just wanted to post whatever that was seriously on my mind, and not fake something so that I would look good. I wanted to be real, and not shallow. I wanted to be myself, although I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I take very long to allow people 'into' me and trust them with everything, and now I feel so dirtied, i feel so exposed, I HATE MYSELF. To be really honest, I really wouldn't mind if you didn't tell me, but there's no turning back now.. Just know that I don't hate you at all, I just hate myself, like really hate myself.. I'm such a failure at everything, EVERYONE, just assume that I don't exist, and i never existed..
"I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty...."
And it was soooo hard for me to change my URL, I took agessss to think of the perfect URL: hope-forabettertomorrow.. RIP, hope-forabettertomorrow, I'll always remember you, and this message that you bring to me every time, to hang on tight and HOPE, tomorrow will surely be better..
And to Xuanqi, tonight's going to be another cry-yourself-to-sleep night, so you'd better be mentally prepared.. And I am in urgent need of a friend to talk to now, maybe I shall call Nadine. Thanks for being such an AWESOME friend to me these years. We've known each other for really long now, HAHA, childhood friends! :) Thanks for always being by my side, and I think we grew closer during Dec Teens Retreat 2012! I LOVE YOU, thanks for always being there for me.. <3
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