CLASS DANCE tomorrow

There's class dance tomorrow! I don't really know why but I'm really excited! Jamie's coming back just for this dance, so it's going to mean a lot to G1! Giving James her preset tomorrow. A bit late, but oh well, hope she doesn't mind. I hope she loves her new guitar that we bought for her! I tried playing it, but grace helped me to press the whatever thing so I just used the small thing to strum the strings, HAHA, sorry, I've never touched a guitar before. Only piano and recorder. Horribly weak with musical instruments.. I hope we won't cry tomorrow. Jamie's leaving, and this time, it's for real. I just hope that G1 would be able to handle this cause 'we're all in this together', and there's gonna be an Amath test right after the dance, so we can't cry, we can't break down, we've gotta stay strong for each other. And to G1, I know we can!

BBQ surprise party for Jamie!

Jamie's last official day at school + last Chinese lesson :(

I think she looks sooo cute in this photo! :)

And Jessica's been pondering on whether she should go for graduation night. I know she faces her own difficulties in paying and she had saved up really a commendable sum of money, but she is wondering if she should spend it on Grad night, which would use up 4/5 of her total savings, which is quite a lot. So proud of her for saving up so much. I just hope that she'll come up with a decision quick cause tomorrow's the first day of payment. I really want to help her, I honestly do, but sometimes I feel that I'm not capable of doing so. I hope that she'll come up with a decision quick and to Jess, I'll support you, not matter what your decision is! :)

Don't think so lowly of yourself kayy!! Stay hardworking and smart! Thanks for always inviting me to your church. Stay strong in your faith!! LUVYA <3

THE LIGHT

Light is one of Christ's most important and graphic metaphors. Jesus said of Himself: I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life (John 8:12). When we think of light, we imagine the electric light snapped on, quickly filling the whole room with brightness. Jesus, however, was not speaking of the electric light but of the sunrise. 

Before the sun appears, its influence is felt. Slowly, almost mystically, a subtle change begins to take place in the world. The darkness loosens its grip on the earth and begins to dissolve into day. As the sun rises higher in the sky, the world of fear and unknown is filled with the sight of beautiful trees, running brooks, and towering mountains. The despair of the night is overwhelmed by the dawning of light. 

Peter talks of the "day star" (Jesus) arising in our hearts (2 Peter 1:19). Malachi notes: But to you who fear My name the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings (Malachi 4:2). When Jesus comes into our lives and our families, the light of His Presence begins to make a subtle difference. The night of selfishness gives way to the day of selflessness. Cold relationships thaw and warm into meaningful communion. But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day (Proverbs 4:18).

I feel stupid.

Just bathed and had dinner. It's so late and I kinda regret it now. Sleeping at 1am yesterday didn't help much and I felt so tired today that I literally crashed on my bed and woke up at 9pm. Still had PE project to chiong and my homework, Haiz..

I feel like the stupidest person living. I'm screwing up my sleeping patterns and everything is not in order when I need it to be. Maybe I should try to have a fixed timetable for myself instead of feeling forever tired..

Can't forget how Bobz made us go downstairs to pick up toothpicks, HAHAHA. Syazana was telling me how disturbing we were to everyone's lessons, HAHAH. Bobz's idea my friend, cause got special guest, the HOD, so must make it fun, HAHA :) Jamie came back today!! <3 so happy to see her. First day without her felt different. I don't really know how to describe it.

I feel so bad for not staying back today. I missed out the fun :( Qiaoxu checked the bus an told me it was coming in 20mins, so I still had time. But apparently they weren't ready. And I was desperately trying to get them to 快点 so that I won't miss out, but I guess I failed. And the consequence I had to face was missing out the fun. Then qiaoxu was like 'the bus is coming, let's go' and I was in a dilemma. MORAL DILEMMA, HAHHAHA And so I was dragged to go home with her cause we're the only 2 who live nearby and take the same train.

I don't really know if I should go and sleep now or start my work. I feel so screwed up now that I don't even know what to do. I feel like a total failure, argh. Someone please save meeeee

Had a good talk with qiaoxu on the train, and yeah, I guess I should listen to her, to believe her and to trust her. She's someone I can entirely trust cause she's true to herself and never lies. I love her as a sister in Christ and I truly believe in everything she said. She seems to be helping me in her small ways and reasoning it out logically so that my brain can understand. I really thank her for 'saving' me and giving me advice before I fall further. She's pulling me up to be more Christ-like and I'm eternally grateful! :)

It's 12.30AM!

This is kinda like one of the very rare days where I stay up till so late to complete my work. I don't usually stay up so late and I have a feeling that I'll break the record soon. Jessica is also up tonight!! This is one of the rare times that I'm compromising my sleep for work. Hopefully I can make use of Chinese lesson tomorrow to catch up on my sleep, although I know that I can never make up for my loss sleep. :(

Okay, I hope I won't crash soon cause there's still so much to be done! And morning writing/comprehension tomorrow, haizz... I'm so tempted to go and sleep now. I kinda feel like giving up completing this work, in need of some motivation..

JAMIE'S FAREWELL :'(

Yesterday was the BEST!! We had BBQ at Ryanna's place for Jamie's farewell. It was a surprise and I think it worked!

We had soooo much food. Chicken wing, drumstick, satay, stingray, corn, potato, drinks, chips, chocolate and the biscuit thing. IT WAS FANTASTIC. I don't really know what to say now, but I think G1 grew closer! I still can remember all the fun and laughter and great times we had yesterday.

I don't really know how to describe yesterday. It's really indescribable!!

JAMIE'S MESSAGE:

Hey guys, I just really want to thank all of you again. Today has been really great. I'm sooooo sorry but my not-so-surprised response cause my stupid brain was just trying to register why my classmates are at Ryanna's house. Then when the shock came, the nerve impulses must have died along the way before they reached my facial features, which pretty much explains my facial expression... This party was really memorable and I can't seem to thank you enough! I feel super bad cause I really don't think I deserve such great classmates T^T I love all the presents and cards and THE GUITAR. My goodness, I still can't believe you all actually forked up to buy such an expensive gift!! Dammit my heart is filled with guilt right now... And sorry about not crying cause there's really something wrong with me lately, nothing seems to be registering in my brain.

Thanks so so so so soooooooo much for everything. You guys are REALLLY the best.

All the time and effort and MONEY you guys put in for this is just really touching. Don't worry I really do appreciate everything!

I'm definitely gonna miss every single one of you... But I'll see you guys on Thursday!

Thanks again for everything :') and DONT FORGET TO PRACTICE THE DANCE

We are so gonna rock the house

I feel like crying now. The reality has finally dawned on me. To G1, our dance is on Thursday. I know everyone has been practicing hard, and WE'RE GONNA ROCK THE STAGE!! We're gonna do this for Jamie. It's her last dance, and we are going to do our best. No matter what the outcome is, this dance will always be ours. We are going to do our best on Thurs for Jamie. WE CAN DO THIS, G1!! On a side note, I haven't written my card and bought a gift for Jamie yet. I'll give it to her on Thurs.

SOS the musical

Shall post about yesterday cause I was too tired + lazy yesterday to post.

It was Jamie's last day in school!! :( gonna miss her soooo much.. Went home with Jamie, Qiaoxu, Celine and Huileng. I remembered when we reached our stop, there was only Jamie and I left. The hug before we said goodbye was heartbreaking. I wanted to say goodbye, but it was too surreal and I had to let reality sink in. Jamie's going. I was crying all the way home. I don't want this to happen, and neither does my class. When I read the card Jamie gave, I just wanted to cry. Seeing my classmates all break down, it wasn't easy to stay strong. I didn't accept it at first, but slowly, the reality sinked in.

To Jamie, thanks for all the memories these past 2 years. It's so awesome to be staying near you, and we can go home together. I love all the fun times we had as a class and all the hilarious moments!! :) Stay hardworking and pretty. LUVYA <3

'Once a 草包, always a 草包'

Photobomb during English. We kinda made use of the Sec 1 drama backdrop, HAHA. We went to explore what the Sec 1s use for their drama, HAHAHA We're curious kids! :)

Then I went to the concert at Jessica's church. It was awesome. I met 2 of Mavis's friends, who were in Sec 2, but due to my awkward nature, I only managed to talk to one of them. She was from track and she looked quite cute, HAHA.

And Jessica and I talked and talked till 10+ before we even started our trip home. I really like how Jessica is so concerned about me and kept pestering me to call her when I got home or she'll be spam calling me. I just really like the way she cares for her friends and made sure that they're safe. She's kinda the one who's always taking care of me and I'm really grateful for that. In her small ways, she has taught me many things and I really like how she puts others before self. She was kinda the one who taught me how to express my care for my family, friends and cadets. LUVYA JESS!! <3

ON A SIDE NOTE, I'M SO SUPER EXCITED FOR LATER'S BBQ. JAMIE IS GONNA BE SOOOO SURPRISED!! :) AND THERE'LL BE SO MUCH FOOOOOD, YUMZ

Early day today

Had physics SPA, something which I totally dreaded, but it came. Glad to say that it wasn't as tough as I thought that it would be, but honestly, nothing I revised yesterday came out. Luckily, Jessica explained something similar to the question to be right before the exam, like 10 mins before. SHE'S MY SAVIOUR!! I hope I did alright..

I feel so sorry for Nat. I know she studied really hard but her way of conducting the experiment was like different from everyone. I know she feels really sad and afraid now.. I hope she's alright! :) She doesn't deserve to get anything less than full marks for this judging from the amount of work she puts in. I can still remember the look of fear in her eyes when she came to me and said that she thinks she's wrong. Don't worry Nat, everything will be alright. You must believe in yourself!! Jiayou!! :) 你一定可以的！

Went home at 1pm today.. SO EARLYYY!! More time to rest and relax! The countdown is seriously scaring me :( And I really can't wait for Saturday!! Jamie's farewell party!

Also, there's going to be a musical at Jessica's church on Fri. She said she has ushering, and I'm like the only one going, so I might be alone. #foreveralone sobs. She has 2 more tickets and it's free, but there's like no one to go with me it's driving me in the brink of desperation.. If only someone can accompany me, sobs

Physics O level SPA tomorrow. To be really honest, physics isn't my strongest subject, and I know it's time to change it. Physics was like my best in the earlier part of Sec 3, but ever since, I've been convincing myself that I can't do physics. Maybe I should try, maybe I should start thinking more positively.

But to be really honest, I'm scared. I really am. This fear isn't something I feel very frequently, but when it comes, I just know that something isn't right. I'm really scared for this, cause I know somehow that I can do physics, but I don't even know why I keep convincing myself that I can't.. I don't really know what to do now. I feel so helpless in my own world of physics. I feel so useless when it comes to physics. I just hope that it would be manageable. In need of motivation now.

I don't really know what's wrong with my blog, or is it just me not knowing how to use but my 16 JULY post just seems to disappear.

Sometimes, I wish for an older sibling. I want to be the younger one to have someone to turn to when I'm in need. To have someone to encourage me when I'm down. To have someone to share my happiness and problems with. To have someone to reassure me that everything's gonna be alright. I don't want to be the one to give advice, to help my siblings, to be there for them. Oh well, gotta be grateful! :)

Hopefully they can support me while I enjoy life! HAHAHA, what a selfish thought..

Last Chinese Lesson :(

Today was the last Chinese lesson that we're going to attend till JC.. I'm definitely going to miss all the fun and laughter we had during Chinese, which made Chinese lessons interesting and even more memorable!! :)

洪老师 has been the best teacher ever!! I still remember the times we spent laughing. She really drills us, but is also very concerned about our well-being and wants us to excel in whatever we did.

Today, as the last time we're ever going to have a lesson with her, was supposed to be sad. But she made it fun and more manageable as well! She dedicated a song to us. We had fun laughing and joking till I didn't know if I was crying or laughing. And we couldn't bear to leave the class. After the last greeting, IT WAS OVER. :(

To laoshi, thank you for teaching us these past 2 years. Chinese has never been my strongest subject, and I've felt like giving up many times. But you've proven to me that Chinese can be interesting if I change my perspective and learn to appreciate. In these 2 years, you've not only taught us what we needed to know to score, but other important values like respecting our parents, never giving up and the real meaning to persevere. You've taught us more than what's in the textbook and I'm really grateful. Thank you for always caring for us and our well being even though you also want us to excel at the same time. I hope that I did not disappoint you with my O level results, and I just hope that I did you proud.

To 草包, we've survived through 2 years of Chinese together. I've never thought that Chinese could be so much fun without you guys. I still remember all the laughter we had during Chinese and all the fun memories. We were serious when we had to, but also don't forget to have fun! We encouraged each other every time before we enter the exam hall for Chinese. We told each other that we can do it, and we can't let laoshi down. Everyone of us did our upmost best, and I've never been so close to my Chinese classmates before. Big thanks to caobao, I know that we will be there for each other no matter what. Thanks for making Chinese the lesson in which I don't dread, yet find joy in attending! :)

It's officially OVER

It's official. There will be no more Chinese for the rest of the year, unless I retake Chinese, which I'm not planning to regardless of my results cause languages isn't my strongest.. And hopefully, I don't need to.

Tomorrow will be the last Chinese lesson with laoshi. I'm gonna miss Chinese and all the fun we had with laoshi and caobao!! <3 you guys soooo much!! Thanks for making Chinese so fun and memorable! It's been a great 1 and a half years together and I'm proud to say that I'm part of caobao! Although we call ourselves caobao, we have fun together, laugh together, help each other and most importantly, encourage one another to do our best. We pull each other up and cheer each other on. I LOVE CAOBAO!! And I'll definitely miss Chinese with S3. No more pranking phyu anymore.. HAHAHHA, love you Phyu. Hope you'll do well in Chinese and don't give up!! :)

As always...

I got made fun of today by Sabastian Goh, argh.. Why is he forever pointing me or Jovina?! Forever only the 2 of us, HAHAH, Jo buddy! It all happened like this...

He cracked some joke, which I didn't really understand, so the whole class was laughing and I was just stoning, cause I apparently didn't understand what he was talking about. Then he called my name and asked me why everyone laugh and I just sat there. Okay, I think he guessed that I didn't understand, so he explained, and I still couldn't understand. Luckily Yongqi explained again, then I finally could get it. Argh, I really don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I so naive? And I couldn't get Wendy's dirty jokes as well, gosh, maybe I need some enlightenment.

O level Chinese LC tomorrow. Although I do know that people will tell me that there's nothing to worry about and LC is very easy, but it's like my last attempt to pull up my Chinese grade. I hope it goes well tomorrow. And Physics O level SPA on Thursday. This one I'm really insecure and super scared. There's like 6 chapters to revise and electricity & magnetism is my weakest. Haizz, I can kinda feel the pressure building up in me. I just hope that I would have some positive response instead of shoving it deep inside me.

Empty Jars

John 12:23-35

Nothing is worse than sin, that separates us from God, that encapsulates us and tempts us day after day. Nothing could be worse… right? And yet in the sight of salvation which removes us from this horrible sin, we still hesitate to do what we must to earn it.

God does not ask for much. Carry your cross and deny  yourself daily; follow the instructions set by the bible in your life and you will gain eternal salvation. For the world, its problem lies in the difficulty of forsaking all the pleasures that it provides us and burdening ourselves with the heavy cross. The world does not understand that its burden is much greater than the yoke of Christ.

For Christians however, those that have already believed, there is something much worse preventing them from salvation. An empty religion. Religion that is self-sustaining and self-providing. Religion that has burdens no more light than that of the world. In fact, a burden that is heavier. This is the greatest tragedy, more so than sin itself.

Satan manipulates and he does it well. Even those who have supposedly given their life in surrender to Christ are tricked by him more often than not. Add to the notion that God's way seems too painful for us and Satan's whisperings become delightful music in our ear. We are convinced that we can live by our own way while being spiritual and appear spiritual to others. Deep inside, we follow our own rules, dictate our own actions. We take the throne away from Jesus. All the while, we try to put up the masquerade of being a good disciple.

It is in such a case that going back to the world would be no different from staying in the church. We have sealed ourselves up. We are essentially the world, merely staying in church and giving ourself more burdens to keep up the charade. After a while the lie gets tiring and drifting away, we return to the world that we forsook, which happily takes us back.

We do not see how sad we are. How powerless. If we were to see the truth, we would gladly do whatever it takes to obtain power, by any means that God dictates. Only when we are sick of our nature and willing to surrender does religion become something of worth to us. Empty jars are useless if they remain empty after all. They are merely pieces of furniture that look good but take up too much space. When you fill them with the oil of Christ, that is when they truly serve a purpose. This is why Christianity is built upon the church. It is not a one-man job to live as a Christian. No, humans are way too flawed to do so. If it were so, Jesus would have no need to form the church. True, we have a personal relationship with God, but no matter how strong those bonds are, the world pulls back the other direction with the same amount of force. Newton's Third Law of Motion. Yet while the world is concentrating on our bond with God, other disciples come and pull us in another direction, still towards God. The world does not know which to go against and it cannot exert as much as the combined force. It has lost the battle once we understand that.

Today, stay connected, pray to be surrendered and understand that you are weak alone. United we stand, divided we fall. And most important, don't try to live your life as an empty jar. You might as well have never taken them up in the first place. Fill your jar with something spiritual. Then it will have serve its true purpose.

In Christ Alone (Boasting of Weakness)

Galatians 6:14

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." Paul's words were and are clear. A warning against those who pride themselves in their achievements. Achievements given them by God. Early in the Old Testament, it had already been made clear to the Israelites to give thanks to God regularly, lest they become proud and forget the benefits of their Lord. It is easy to go day by day without being grateful, especially when we believe everything is a product of our hard work.

Those who boast of their own glory, God humbles. One prime example is Nebuchadnezzar, who believed his empire as something he could boast about. God made him suffer through seven years of exile, before he realised that it was really God who was in control.

The song in Christ Alone reminds of this. "In Christ Alone do I glory, though I could pride myself in battles won. For I've been blessed beyond measure and by his strength alone I'll overcome. And oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands, but those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand…"

We are made aware of the fact that all of our little victories are nothing in the face of the divine grace and mercy that God has blessed us with. Yet we remain adamant on boasting about our achievements, even though they are meaningless and worthless in comparison to what God has brought us. Interestingly, boasting is not a measure of strength but of weakness. John Steinbeck once said: "Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag."

True enough, those who must boast rely on it to feel good about themselves, to feel a sense of completion. They aren't able to draw close to people or be confident without boasting simply because they are weak. True strength lies in those who keep silent about their strengths and rather humble themselves by boasting in their weaknesses. The notion is strange. Boasting your weakness. What does that mean?

I interpret it as meaning this: you boast in the fact that though you have so many weaknesses, so many flaws and failures, Christ was still willing to die for you on the cross, washing away all of your transgressions. Essentially, we boast in the cross, the only thing that we should boast about. After all, everything else we owe to God. The cross, we have claimed for ourselves.

Today, there are two questions we have to ask: firstly, what do we boast about? Secondly, do we live in a manner where we boast in the cross?

I don't really know why but I keep thinking about Jessica. She's so smart and capable, yet boasts not on her strength but of her weaknesses. I think she's a really strong-willed person and loves to go out of her way to help others. Thanks for being a good influence to me, Jess! LUVYA

She somehow brings this message to me everyday. Thanks Jess, yeah, I know I'm really lazy, HAHAHA

The journey isn't easy.

Haven't posted for soooo long. I gotta admit that I was a little lazy. Dad got a new CAR!! It's a 7 seater and super cool!! I'm so super excited, I don't even know why.

Went to jurong library with Sharon again. I think we seem to be getting closer and it's quite productive now thinking about it. And our dinner and usual random walks around aimlessly. Today was exceptionally fun! We went to have dinner  and a new desert at Macs! And then we walked and ended up at some random shop and Sharon went to try playing tr guitar, HAHAHAHA :) She looked so cute! But sorry I can be of any help since we both don't play the guitar, HAHAH

We went to explore Jcube and I'M IN DESPERATE NEED OF $15!!!! Sharon brought me to this shop and the things are SO AWESOME!! I wantttt, but no $$, spent too much on - already.

Tomorrow's 16 JULY!!! My birthday! :) So excited!! Although I think I'll end up partying all by myself like some loner. Can't help being #foreveralone. And I'm exempted from BIO MOCK TEST!!! Save me from studying the entire bio textbook. I still think 16july is a nice date and it's so special to be, I don't even know why..

The countdown is making me so super stressed!! Less than 100 days to Os and less than 40 days to prelims. I'm seriously scared. I feel so unprepared!

I think I should get Chen a chocolate. She seemed so stressed over Bio Mock test. YOU CAN DO THIS, CHEN. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, THANKS FOR BEING THE BEST CQ BUDDY I COULD EVER ASK FOR. LUVYA <33

Just arrived home.

Went out to Jurong library with Sharon again! We seem to be quite productive, and we can be serious, but to be honest, I think it's quite fun too! We joke, we laugh, but we help each other out too! Sharon did up the TO-STUDY list, and honestly, it scares me. It really does.

And these aren't even all the subjects, but they're the more content heavy ones I guess?

Really tired. Just came home and bathed. So late already. It feels as though time is slipping out of my hands, like I'm trying to catch time like I'm catching water (hope this analogy makes sense). It really seems impossible and the workload is piling up more than ever before! I'm just tired, like really tired. I don't really know how to carry on from here. And the countdown just scares me and sends shivers down my spine.

To be really frank, I have never imagined Sec 4 life to be this hectic. It's only July, and the workload is becoming impossible. I really can't imagine how the future will look like now. I just hope to survive. I just hope to do my best. I guess it's the lost of motivation and the feeling that it's impossible. I just really hope that my best would be enough.

Yeah, maybe I should start being more optimistic and focus! :)

I was weary.

Had soooo many things going on today. Busy like a bee! :)

First there was an informal photo taking with the NC contingent in the morning. Went down at 7.10 as instructed.

Bio SPA in the lab today. Then class photo taking. Firstly, I didn't know how to tie my tie, and I took quite long to change. I sat beside Wendy and Jessica again, like last year. I think I look really SUPER GROSS in the photos :( I think I grew fatter too! :( so much for losing 3kg in the June holidays, in which I was so proud of, but I think I've gained it back, haizz.. Went back for Bio SPA. Had quite some extra time, so he gave out some outstanding achievement and good progress awards. And SURPRISINGLY, I received the Good Progress Award?! I was like really shocked, I didn't realize that I've improved by 10 points in my L1R5. Okay, maybe this is my motivation?

Physics Mock SPA. I think our class is the best. We were like stunned there and started to discuss and qiaoxu even took out her physics notes to revise. I think our class is the only class that didn't take it very seriously and no one studied for this. Could sense that Mr Tan was quite disappointed with us cause he said things which he usually doesn't say. He said like our class is the only class that did not take it seriously, other classes literally took it as a test. But he said that he isn't very worried for our class cause he thinks we can, but I highly doubt myself.

Chem SPA O LEVELS was quite manageable I guess?

Then has CCA photo taking. I seriously need to start losing weight. Can't believe how quickly I took to gain weight. My 3kg, I think maybe already gained back, HAHA.

Went to the library to study with Sharon. Met Senior Wenwen there. My biggest shock, HAHAHA :) Could hear her talking about me to her friends, she talk so super loud in the library, HAHAHA. She wanted to say hi but she was too shy and so was I. We were even sitting facing each other. I didn't know she could recognize me after sooo long. Haven't seen her for really loooong now. Reminiscing the good old times where she kept making me laugh during all the CQ trainings. Going to study again tomorrow with Sharon. SS - deterrence and diplomacy. Feel so motivated after the award, yet I don't really know how I'm feeling now. Hope procrastination won't kick in just yet..

Bitter experiences..

Oral today. The feeling wasn't nice. I was too nervous. I could literally feel my heartbeat vibrating my entire hands and my mind was in a state of panic and blank. Sat beside Kylie, HAHAHAHAH, so coincidental. I hope I did alright. It was soooo scary. I hope that I didn't screw up and that the teachers will be lenient. I don't wanna be another disappointment to laoshi and all those who believed in me. I want to do my very best to make them proud. But did I do so? Doubt so.. I told myself that I could not leave the auditorium with any regrets, I MUST leave the auditorium feeling that I did my best, yet I left with regrets. Feelings of discouragement and disappointment flooded my mind. I just hope that I did all I could, that I did MY BEST, cause that's all God expects of me.

Went to the library to study with Sharon. O level Chemistry SPA tomorrow. I cannot screw this up. My last SPA, I hope that I'll do my best. Met Kylie there, superrr unexpected. Talked, laughed and chatted for about 1hr before Sharon's dad sent me home. So nice!! LUVYA SHARON!! Jiayou for tomorrow, you'll do well. Believe in yourself, you're capable and never doubt yourself! <3

'God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.'

Something I found when I was freaking out over oral.

When you want to press the panic button, press on, HAHAHAHHA 

Today we received the goodie bag and a note from a random Sec 1. Can't believe Karen received -'s note, HAHAHA, so coincidental. Anyways, I think I'm the only one in class without a note since I returned the note to the rightful owner. So I'm kinda like the only one without a Sec 1 note. Awaiting a day where a random note from a random Sec 1 who most likely will be anonymous to be put on my desk.

Realized a lot about t urgency and perspective today from the principal's talk and 'world tour'. 4G1 is her lay destination, HAHAHAH.. Hope today's oral went well..

Thanks Jess, I hope that I'll be able to trust The Lord.

ORALLL

Oral tomorrow. I don't really know if I'm prepared or not, but I'm really scared. I don't want to be another disappointment or another let down. There are so many people out there supporting me, I cannot let them down!

There is my family, teachers esp laoshi, and my tuition laoshi. Had tuition right after school today and I just reached home and bathed. Had dinner at laoshi's house and yeah, thanks for the treat, laoshi!! I hope that I won't let you down tomorrow. I promise to do my best.

Had a mini-breakdown in the bus cause I was thinking about tomorrow and how scared and unprepared I felt. I bet people on the bus were judging me, but sokay.. Oral just isn't my thing, I tend to do better in the written, but since written was a 'killer' paper, I really have nothing to say.. I'm just crazily scared for tomorrow!! :(

THE SNAKE LINE

When a farmer buys land in New England, he often asks, "Is it above the snake line?" Experience has proven there is a line above which snakes cannot live. Land above the "snake line" is protected from poisonous vipers by an unseen law of God. In the spiritual world, there is also a "snake line." Below crawls all kinds of things that prey on the spiritual man and threaten to destroy him. 

Job, wise to the ways of God, noted long ago: There is a path which no fowl knoweth, and which the vulture's eye hath not seen: the lion's whelps have not trodden it, nor the fierce lion passed by it (Job 28:7-8). This explains why many Christians rest peacefully while the world around them crumbles. They face death-their own and that of their families-with a calmness that cannot be explained. They are serene despite the winds of disaster blowing about them. All of us have known such persons who, without doubt, have learned to live above the spiritual "snake line." 

Below the "snake line," we are troubled by spiritual poverty, weariness, depletion, and other crawling vipers of Satan. Paul talked of sitting together in "heavenly places" above the cares of this world and the agony of spirit many experience. He told us we can be more than conquerors through Christ Who loves us. May we move today above the "snake line" and leave behind defeat and despair.

 Isaiah 40:11 

Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, Hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture.

Tuesdays with Morrie

Read this book quite long ago, but now rereading what I found out from that book. Wow, I finally understand the real meaning of 温故知新.

THE WORLD

- Do I wither up and disappear or do I make the best of my time left?

- Life is a series of pulls back and forth

- Never take things for granted

FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF

- The culture that we have does not always make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say that if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.

- So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they're busy doing things that they think are important.

- The way to get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to the community and create something that gives you purpose and meaning.

- Learn how to give out love and let it come in.

- Sometimes, you cannot believe what you see, you have to belief what you feel.

REGRETS

- If you are going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too, even when you're in the dark, even when you're falling.

- Would I regret the secrets I had kept hidden?

DEATH

- The culture doesn't encourage you to think about dying till you're about to die. We're so wrapped in egotistical things. We don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives asking: is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?

- Everyone knows that they're going to die, but nobody believes in it. If we did, we would do things differently.

- Know that you're going to die and be prepared for it. You can be more involved in your life while you are living.

- Learn how to die and you learn how to live.

- Most of us walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We don't experience the world fully and do things we automatically think we have to do

- Death allows you to focus on the essentials. When you realize you're going to die, you see everything much differently

- We are too involved in materialistic things that we take for granted the loving relationships we have, the universe around us

FAMILY

- If you don't have the support, love, care and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is supremely important.

- Letting others know that there's always someone watching out for them - family

These are like the wise words of Morrie, where he taught Mitch the greatest lesson a teacher could ever teach a student, and that's how to live. Some wise words I copied down sooo long ago, but oh well, was reading it in the bus to kinda motivate myself.

RUSHINGGGGG

Mum's birthday today!!

Had to go to orchard in the morning for dental. Waited for half an hour cause uncle ah boon (that's what we call him cause he's Dad's childhood friend) had a long case to settle. Had lunch at orchard!!

Rushed home to bring the mugs and letters and off I went to city hall. Laoshi wanted me to go straight to her house for tuition and she even gave me a huge lecture on prioritizing my time and that Os are more important... Still, I chose to go to city hall cause everything was already planned out and it wouldn't be nice to back out at the last minute?! So I went there. TCS, where I stoned and pondered upon laoshi's wise words. Indeed, they were true. I really need to put in a lot more effort for Chinese, which I'm trying to!! Yeah, kinda disappointed at myself sometimes.

So I rushed back home an rushed out to laoshi's house to squeeze in a little time for tuition. Well, I sure learnt a lot from that mere 45mins and it was well worth the time!

Then I had to rush to Boon Lay Raja for family dinner to celebrate Mum's birthday! The food was fantastic! I ate like there was no tomorrow, HAHAHA

Thanks Mum for being the greatest Mum I could ever wished for! I must admit that it wasn't easy to carry me to and from Singapore everyday when you were pregnant with me. And I do know that I cause a lot of trouble like my birth certificate being printed wrongly and it took ages to change, and when our JB house got robbed while trying to buy milk powder when I was a toddler to balloting for me to get into primary school! I will try to put in my best in spiritually and academically and do you proud! I hope I won't be a disappointment and I want to make your efforts worth it. Thanks for meimei and didi and you're the best Mum I could have ever wanted. I LOVE YOU!! <3

PAIN OF GOD

Hosea 11

When we sin, we talk a lot about hanging Jesus back on the cross, but do we ever really stop and consider the pains that we cause God? Our measure of love for God is inversely proportional to our love for the world. Some of us practically worship the world, consciously or not, in our attempts to do what we believe needs to be first in priority. I am definitely guilty of doing such things. Let us pause and think about how God feels.

In the book of Hosea, we have a man who has to take up a prostitute as his wife and have children who are just as bad if not worse than their mother to him. One might wonder how that feels. It's hard to, having not experienced marriage first-hand. Maybe this: your favourite sister and you finally go steady but in the weeks to come, you find her going to church less and spending less time with you as well. The truth comes out that she is seeing someone else outside the church. How does that hit you? Pretty hard, I would think.

Similarly, God has this bunch of people who he raised from young or who have pledged their marriage and faithfulness to him yet go around denying that exact pledge of love pretty much every day of their lives, only to go back to him every now and then to be provided for. He did so much for these people and they treat him like this, like a disposable object useful only when they need it. If I were God, I think I'd be pretty pissed.

Yet the thing about God is that he loves. A lot. More than you can think. And that's why he doesn't just destroy the whole bunch of us. He gives us chances and chances and more chances to repent. Even when he does punish us, he doesn't wipe us out but rejoices when we choose to repent. Here you have a God who, above his intense hatred for sin, loves us enough to accept us even though we have been with it. It's just like saying how you'd accept your favourite sister back after all that she had done, having an impure relationship with someone outside the church while having 'gone steady' with you.

Luke 15 tells of the parable of the prodigal son. The Father was so overjoyed about his son's returned that he didn't mind the fact that the boy had pretty much cursed him to death, squandered off his inheritance and left the house without even so much as a goodbye. God is like that. No matter how much we sin, when we wake up and decide to return, he is always there for us. That said, sinning is not justified. No, it is merely that in our failed nature as human beings, when we sin after trying hard not to, we are allowed to be forgiven. The monk Rasputin lived his life in the deepest of sins because he believed the more sin he had, the more salvation he would receive. What he did not understand was repentance. Like balm to a wound, repentance is the only thing that can potentially mend our relationship with God.

Today, let us not be immersed in our sin but remember the pain that God went through in giving us new life and hate the sin that entraps us.

100th Post!

Had family late night movie yesterday! It was sooo cool! :) Had to wait for didi to return from his National Day Parade rehearsal. Dad went to pick him up and after everyone had bathed and was ready for bed, we started the movie. The movie was 'How to train your dragon' and it was just awesome! Meimei bought popcorn when she went out, so there was popcorn and family movie! The popcorn was soooo nice - there was caramel, caramel with cashew nut and cheese! I think the movie was really nice and spending time with my family and POPCORN as supper, it was awesome!

The baby dragons were so cute and I think that the movie had a strong positive meaning behind it.
"I gave my best friend a gift, but he gave he the greatest gift of all" I think the quote was something like that. Talks a lot about friendships and trust. It was an awesome time, but I kinda crashed after the movie, so no mood to post..

Dreading Week II

There's so much going on on week 2 that it really scares me.

Okay, Monday is an exception cause I'll finally give my superrr belated ROD presents, which is like a good thing to get it over and done with so that I wouldn't be further burdened by having to remember it! :)

Then there's Amath mock test on Tuesday, which I'm hoping that laoshi will exempt us.. Still holding on to that little bit of hope that laoshi will exempt us so that I wouldn't need to study. But I'll bring it home to do. And we need to stay back to practice oral.

There's CHINESE ORAL on Wednesday. Words can't really describe how unbelievably scared I am for this. I'm afraid that I'll blank out and you know screw it up. And there's Emath test too! Emath department is really driving us nuts. Doubt I'll have any 精神 to study for this. Os more important!

Thursday there's Chemistry SPA O LEVELS in the seminar room. Woah, why paper after paper all O levels. I'm crazily scared for this. Last SPA, I can't screw this up. Periodic table isn't my strongest topic, in fact I think it's one of my weakest. There's also Physics Mock O level SPA. Class phototaking at 9am and CCA phototaking at 3pm. I end at 1pm, need to stay back for 3 hours, haizz..

There's still PE project (what the...) and class dance! NO TIMEEE

Friday! TGIF!! The day I can finally relax and take a break (oh who am I kidding). There'll be another stack of Emath weekend homework. Better get down to business!

I'm left speechless.

Overslept today.. Oh how amazing that I can sleep soooo much, HAHA, so I awoke at 6.30 today. Met Phyu and laurin at redhill and we walked to school together! Reached at 7.26, HAHAHA, just on time! Left my bag at phyu's class cause I was lazy to walk up to my class.

There was like lunch and after lunch there was study period. Does the school have nothing better to do than to put random 'study period' sessions in our timetables. It's more like half an hour of slack time, hehe. Anyways, I went down to the canteen with Yigin and Janani and the crowd was there. Sian, didn't feel like queuing up, so we went to a corner in the canteen and started doing our Emath. I seriously think that the Emath department is out to kill us. 200 Emath questions for holiday homework, now every week still have to do 1 Prelim paper and one set of weekend homework, this is madness!! Yeah, so we did till after lunch period and used 'study period' for lunch! At least the canteen was less crowded and we had peace, hehe.

Then MY MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT occurred today, right after lunch. Yigin was like rushing me to stop doing Emath, thinking that we were gonna be late for MT. So I packed up and we walked to our MT class. She was like ahh, we're late! So I rushed into my MT class, and guess what? Tan Yew Hock was still inside teaching English and I got a shock. The whole class was laughing at me, I feel so insecure now.. Luckily Phyu didn't see, HAHA :) see lah Yigin, argh, hahahah, sokay, I still <3 you :) and Tan Yew Hock called me a clown, ahh. I feel literally too paiseh to even face anyone one, argh.. Why did Wendy ditch me, haizz

Need to be in school by 8am tomorrow, hopefully I would be able to wake up.. Gonna give ROD present on Mon. I'll have to lug 14 ahems all the way to city hall, and then go back to Redhill then to orchard. Awaiting to get it over and done with. Everything's been at home for really long now..

And Candace just called to ask an Emath question. HAHAHAH, she wrote the answer down and didn't understand. She was most probably asleep, HAHHA! She's so super hilarious that I can't seem to stop laughing at her!! Luvya Aunty can-can!

Yay! I look da tallest! Okay, maybe not cause Jessica is there, HAHAH

TO-NIGHT

Argh, still eating dinner now. I think I'm gonna grow fat :( miraculously, I lost weight during the holidays, which was like so unexpected cause I usually eat and sleep and do nothing during the holidays, and most of the time, I'll gain weight. And my stomah's hurting now, I don't even know why, Ahhh

I so regret falling asleep just now. I had wanted to take a power nap, although I know that I shouldn't. I couldn't control myself, so I fell asleep, and guess what, the power nap lasted 5828732892637 hours, ahh, time wasted.. Guess tonight will be another can't-seem-to-fall-asleep night.. Maybe I should ge down to doing Emath. There's so much work to be done!

I'm kinda excited for Jamie's farewell party!! It's gonna be FUN! But at the same time, I'm dreading it. Mixed emotions..

So true, so true.. I just want to play and relax an enjoy life. I think that I'm getting a bit relaxed, and maybe I'm toooo relaxed. I guess I should try to stress myself more? I work better under stressed conditions and I think I'm more productive. Maybe I should start stressing myself out?!

Jamie is migrating to Canada soon. Will miss her soooo much! She's so hilarious and a fun kid to be with! LUVYA JAMES! <3

Brought my presents all back today. 2-3pm was like a total waste of time since Marcus Poon didnt come and it was the last period. Siannn, but I skateboarded!! THANKS GANZ for bringing it today! <3

Jo and I got embarrassed today because I forgot to write the approach and Jo forgot to write one variable, HAHAHAHAH. He was like Jovina, only write 2 variables. And Xuanqi, would you like to share with the class what you missed out? HAHAHAHHA, Jo and I forever making mistakes and the worst thing is that Sabastian Goh REMEMBERS, HAHAHAHAH, sokay, we had fun! :)

HAHAHAH, going home was fun! There was like this autistic (I think) person who seemed in his own world and no one could understand what he was saying. And another who was humming behind Wendy, HAHAHAH :) And Jo said bye to me, but didn't say to HuiLeng,hahha, I just loved HuiLeng's reaction! HAHAHAH, luvya Jo!

 

T to the O to the DAY

Had geog test. Screwed it up cause I gave up studying halfway. I wasn't very positive about it, but I hope that I did my best. I'll work doubly hard for geog to make up for my 'lost of textbook' time.

Candace gave me her cousin's textbook today!! THANKS AUNTY CAN CAN!! I feel much better now. I'll work harder for geog.

I'm going to skateboard tomorrow outside class! I'm going to try and it's my first time. HAHAHAHA, bet I'll embarrass myself and Wendy will laugh at me, just like how I did when she first tried! Sokay.. I'm excited! Hope no one sees me. Recess at 9 tomorrow, I'm looking forward.

And my birthday presents all still under my table. Haven't brought it home yet. But THANKS GUYS! Hahaha, you all know I seldom open my desk, so you all put it there, HAHA.. Everything's still there, haven't brought it home yet. Was planning to bring it home tomorrow but there are so many subjects tomorrow and we end so late, maybe I shall bring it back on Thursday!

Surprised Wendy today by putting her birthday present in the cupboard. She was so sure it was a prank, and we made it sound like there's some animal inside there, but she got shocked, HAHAH. If someone told me that something will jump out at me or to be careful in case something happens when I open the cupboard (like what we did to Wendy), I'LL GET REALLY SCARED. I think I'll freak out. But luckily not me, HAHAHA

Deb kinda like investigated me and my new specs today, HAHAHA And nat baked cookies! Her cookies were FANTASTIC! There were chunks of white chocolate and it was soooo good! Ate it during geog. I didn't know Gary tan wasn't coming today. I sat there waiting for his arrival and thought that he was going to be late, when Yigin told me that he wasn't coming. And Nat thought that geog lesson was recess and she was asking us why we weren't going down, HAHAHAHAHA

'Just give me a reason' by Pink is kinda stuck in my head since the start of today, I don't even know why..