I'm excited! :D

Okay, I'm feeling really bored and Kiren isn't online to entertain me, so i guess I'll have to entertain myself!

Sis is baking outside and I'm just awaiting for that oven to 'ding' and I'll rush out of this room to grab a piece of the cake, HAHA..

There's SEC 2 IC GROUP REUNION this week! We're going bowling i think.. I'm really horrible at bowling, and i highly doubt that I'll bowl. I'll just go and spend time with my pals :) And there's celebratory event coming up. Congrats Theophilia and Joween, I'm so proud of you all!! And there's also spend time with Jennifer, I'm just hoping that i can make it. Why is she so rushed, people need time to think and plan and ponder, cause big decisions like these, i just hope I'll pull through all fine.

And Mum is pestering me to organize something and invite people over for my birthday, but I've not seriously thought over it yet. There's going to be a family carnival in church on my birthday and it ends at 4pm, so i highly doubt anyone would be willing to celebrate my birthday with me :( Maybe I'm fated to be forever alone? I love surprises, but i don't think anyone would want to waste their time surprising me, so i guess my 16th birthday would pass by real quickly and no one would remember..

But maybe, 'FOREVER HUNGRY' is gonna plan something really unexpected.. I kinda have a hunch that it's true, but oh well, i shaln't have any expectations for my birthday, maybe I'll spend time having fun at the carnival and have a mini celebration all by myself? Argh, i don't really know...

PlayMAX!

Went to Playmax! yesterday with Yi Gin, Jovina, Natalie, Janani, Wendy and Qiaoxu!

Met Wendy and we went to Cityhall for Macbreakfast before meeting the rest. We met Zile too! Playmax! was really fun and tiring, but it's worth reliving our childhood memories :) We had Udders ice-cream and lots of fun!

We went to some roller thing, it was really scary, but once you get the hang of it, IT'S REALLY FUN!! Wendy and Janani were like the first 2 while I came in third. Jovina and YiGin were really scared, but it's alright. They did well too! But cutting the corners, HAHA. Then we went to some chalkart place. That lady did so many designs that were amazing. And we did our own chalkart, to the horror of those who weren't artistic, aka Wendy and I. And i found out that 50% of the clique did not know how to spell our clique name, HAHAHA

I think that ExtremeMAX! was really interesting. It showed me how people could do real muscular stuff, especially that woman. And everything they did had a message, which was really inspiring. Yes, people may pull us from left to right, but we must stay focus and trust in God. And people may tell us lots of lies on who we are, and we get so affected by it, but today, that book of lies was torn. I am so amazed by this wonderful group of people who put their strength into action, with a story to tell. It taught me that no matter how many times we go to church, doesn't make us a Christian. It's when we commit ourselves to God and make him the No. 1 in our life that we will really feel extreme joy and a blessed life.

Then we went to ninjaMAX! and funMAX! where we had real fun! It was really fun from Stage 1 where we played what we played when we're young, to Stage 2, a lifesize version for young kids like the past, to Stage 3 where it was lifesize for us! It was really exciting where we could play and just be #foreveryoung. It was a real relieve of our childhood. And to our utter surprise, we WON funMAX! But we weren't there to collect our prize, so it's alright! :)

And then stageMAX! where we watched a skit. It really taught me about ourselves and made us reflect on who we really are. 'Cleaned outside, what about inside?' Can we keep thinking of ways to clean our inside when it's just not going to work. We need help from the OUTSIDE. Similarly, can we clean our own heart when our own heart is making us unclean? IMPOSSIBLE! Only God, the Maker of men's heart can clean our evil hearts. It makes me wonder, in my life, am I trying to always be optimistic, am I trying to lead or am I too weak that all I want to do is give up? But that's all cleaning the outside, but what about the inside? Maybe behind that carefree life and plastered smile is me, dying inside, hurting so badly, desperately needing a friend, thoughts running wild inside of me, difficult decisions, problems and everything else.. Maybe we should help everyone in need, regardless of what plight one is in. Maybe that might just make that difference, maybe that might save someone, maybe that might allow one to learn many life lessons, maybe God will make something better of that friendship.

Then we had lunch, but we missed Pastamania and Umisushi, so we had to settle for fried rice and chicken cutlet. But it was alright, I really enjoyed myself and the food tasted great! Then we went to shopMAX! and shopped. There were really nice and wonderful things. 'DREAM...' was what I got, to remind me to keep believing that everything happens for a reason, to remind myself to hold on to that little glimmer of hope, to not give up when times are tough, to endure. This year is going to be crazy, but don't forget to dream and believe, everything will work out fine.

Then we went to collect our goodie bags before going home. I had real fun today and it made me think about my life again. To treasure everything I have and be grateful, to not give up and trust the Lord, to have fun, but at the same time, don't forget the ultimate aim of the carnival.

And we overshot the time by 3 HOURS?! So we were inside there for 6 hours, that's like double the time we were allocated. Usually, we shouldn't be able to visit all the stations, but we did, apart from talentMAX!, but HAHAAH, it's alright.. We're awesome like that! :)

And guess what?! When I reached home, and bathed, I was flipping through the newspaper for an article so that I could complete my 5 newspaper reviews, and luckily Grandma helped me find one. And I went back to my desk to grab a scissors so i could cut that article out, but I ended up falling asleep on Grandma's bed. I just crashed and awoke at 7am today. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!? Okay, maybe I enjpyed myself too much that I was really tired. But oh well, luckily Grandma helped me to keep that newspaper, so I shall cut that article out now..

HOBO-ING

Left house after lunch to Jurong Point to get some things for homework and ROD gift.. Then went to Jurong library to hobo by myself for 4 hours before Dad brought us for dinner.

In that 4 hours, there were fun times texting people and there were times for stoning and relaxing and there were times for serious Amath/physics/Emath.. But overall, I'm starting to like times in the library, i don't even know why. Oh wells, but I don't like to be alone, although sometimes I'd prefer to. Being alone gives you time and space to just be yourself, think about things you want to and just love yourself for who you really are. But being alone too many times isn't healthy as you would become very not sociable, i think?

And there was this lady who was sitting beside me with her friend. The lady was frantically teaching her friend everything regarding Maths, like arghhh, can you just keep quiet?!?! And they seem to be university graduates, but the lady was teaching her friend what I learnt last year. It's not that I wanted to eavesdrop on them, but they were annoying me like BIG time.. I was trying to do my Physics and there that woman was teaching and droning on and on. And after she finished teaching like the Sec 3 syllabus to some uni kid, she was giving her encouragements and whatnots. And argh, i couldn't concentrate, so I was better off listening to their conversation.

I don't know if i prefer to study in the library or study at home. But I'm really sensitive to noise and I hate it when people make noises when I'm trying to get things done. Studying in the library gives me time alone and to hobo by myself. But studying at home makes me more at ease. I guess only time will tell...

倒霉的一天

And since I slept at 1am from all the action yesterday, I was really sleepy and not attentive during lesson today. Firstly, everything was in a mess and I couldn't get anything done. And I was clearing my desk in the morning and printing Chem notes. And I left house late and reached school late, but luckily lesson haven't started. And I forgot my ex-link card, which was the worst thing. And I thought that there was only Chemistry and English, and i didn't know that there was also MT, Biology, Amath and Geog and I didn't bring any of the books. So I'm seriously so screwed. And with the lack of sleep, today just wasn't my day. Why does it have to happen to me today when my mind is in a mess and my actions are nothing far from clumsy. Ahh, why am I just like that?!?

And I just realized how much more screwed I am for Chinese and the disappointment is back. I guess it's alright to break down and cry sometimes, to let everything out, to start anew, to stop holding everything in, to calm down, and to get encouraged.

@Wendy: It's alright. Being compared isn't nice and to feel inferior is really bitter. I'm sure you'll do really well from the effort you put in and how hardworking you are. It's alright to cry at times, to let everything out. The reason you're breaking down is because you've stayed strong for too long. Don't keep everything inside you kayy!! (although I'm like in no position to say this) Thanks for your encouragement and motivation when I'm just so tired and worn out. JIAYOU to you too!! Don't worry, you'll do well. I believe in you.

Disappointment, failure, sorrow

Well, it's been a while since i last blogged. So I shall update more. Things happen just way too quickly that when you're absorbed in the moment, you can hardly have time to blog about it.

So yesterday, I died during Chinese Os. IT WAS A KILLER PAPER!! Okay, I'm like so screwed.. I told myself time and time again that I must work hard, that I must not give up no matter what, to press on, and to do my VERY best. I don't want to be a disappointment, I don't want to let laoshi, Mum and Dad down, I don't want to screwed myself up more than I'm already. I want to do myself proud, I want to make my teachers and parents proud of who I am and what I've done. I want them to feel that their efforts, time and love are not wasted.

But guess what, Xuanqi, IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. You SCREWED that Chinese paper. I don't know why I'm crying but I just feel that I'm letting everyone down. I'm really sorry to all those who believed in me, I'm sorry for being a disappointment, I'm sorry for not putting in more effort, I'm sorry for always letting you all down. To everyone who wished me Good Luck, thank you. But I'm really sorry for disappointing everyone. I love you all, I'll do my very best. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Words can never express my sorrow. I don't really mind what I get, it's just the disappointment I cause that I can't forgive myself for. I don't know what to feel now, the sense of failure is just so great.

Hold on to that little glimmer of hope..

And I went for MADCOWS lunch with Ariel, Celeste, Jeanette, Charmaine, Faith at Seoul Gardens. Okay, i ate like some pig and at least it gave my mind a break from the Chinese. Thanks guys, I love you! <3

And then anna jiejie's family came and we had fun! And I reached home at like 10.40pm. And there were like 5 kids scurrying around the house, HAHA. Joss has grown up so much, he's so cute now, hehe. I can still remember how that one-year-old Joss replied me when I asked him if he wanted me to bring him somewhere, '要要要!', haha.. He's so cute. And James has grown so much too, long time no see! He has huge eyes, and the last time i saw him was when airu jiejie was still pregnant with him. And Joan, Joey and Jayden are all grown too! Okay, I had fun whilst fighting for the toilet with them so I could bathe. It's not that I was oozing, but I haven't bathed since the bathe before Os and I was still in school uniform and felt really gross.

YAY, I loved yesterday..